Denial

I hope to blog as often as I want to but my stalemate lifestyle at the moment doesn't generate much for me to do so. Maybe you guys should start donating to me so that I can write better, or enable me to go on overseas trips and logging down my experiences here for your viewing pleasure. I'll throw in good quality pictures even, provided the money is enough for me to purchase a decent digicam. :D

Anyway, if any of you have comments, feel free to do so or give a holler at least so that I know who religiously or often more than occasional follow my blog. Your attendance is much appreciated and that concludes today's lesson.
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Oh, I Mambo-ed(Well somekinda, heh). Hung out with lisa and her friend, Megan, on wed(which is one week back from the date of this entry), somekinda last minute thing which I didn't expect to do, moreever stone at the riverside somewhere behind Zouk and Copthorne. Had a bottle of Vodka Mudshake, apparently some weird mix of vodka and some vanilla shit... simply weird, but in the nice way. Had a couple of "Zambuca" shots too.

Went into the club around midnight, met up with two of Lisa's friends in there, hung around a bit... was at the bar ordering drinks when I felt a scratch on my mid-stomach area, it's Val. I was so stunned at that point of time 'cause I was finally getting to terms with the breakup and there she was, like in the middle of Phuture where bodies are packed like sardines and still be able to bump into each other. Fate is so cruel sometimes. The rest of the night has been with mixed feelings.

The night ended in a way which I wasn't sure what to think of it. There was a cab ride, some talking, some drowsy talking, and finally, sleep. I'm happy in a way that there's hope but at the same time, not very optimistic about stuff.

Flashes of the cab trip repeatedly showed up in my mind at random times of the day, everyday for the past one confusing week later. Just simply confusing. I felt good for most of the ride though. My heart can't deny.
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Darn, it's another working day again. I want my highlight of the day, everyday, which i have to wait till i get home at night. As for now till maybe a week later, I'll have to wait if my highlight's still valid...


I hope to witness a miracle soon. Maybe asking for two wouldn't be too much, would it?

I just edited almost all of my posts for the reasons stated below:  

- Grammatic errors. 

- Inspired thoughts and humour.

- Boredom. 

- More grammatic errors.  

- Distraction from depression.


Later, doods.      

 
P/s: My dearest cousin Bryan, I'm always grateful and thankful that I grew up with you.   

P/s/s: Lisa, get well soon!  

P/s/s/s: If you still spot grammatic errors, let me know so that I can shoot myself. Pardon my England, ok!

So I was looking forward all week to friday night to drink, hopefully relieve the pain within. Knowing that she more or less is gonna be there gives me mixed feelings.

Met up on that day itself with Lisa and her friend, Yingchiang, to help set up the surprise disco birthday party at Shanghai Sally for Jason, Lisa's boyfriend. They are one of those people whom you can really stone with and do nothing the whole day. I can imagine waking up to doodles all over me if I doze off on those stoning sessions...

- "Bad haircut.  Go sue Supercuts".

- "You look so cute when you're snoring"  

- "OWE $ PAY $"

- "Nice butt cleavage"

- "Nice butt cleavage, call me sometime. 9xxxxxxx - Tom"  


Had alotta laughs doing up the place. Shortly after, three of us met up with Jason at Marriot Hotel. Gameplan was to drag time as long as possible as to let the club fill up before we arrive. We turned to some dessert buffet which I gleefully helped myself to plenty of cakes, tiramisu, puddings, etc.. oh yeah, mushroom soup, courtesy of Yingchiang. I read somewhere that guys eat a lot when they are feeling sad. I eat a lot when I'm sad AND happy.

Yingchiang and mostly Lisa were stressed out while I engaged in conversation with the birth boy, started talking about the people in our clique. The spotlight gradually shifted onto me...

Me: "So what do ya think about me, dood?"

Jason: "Well, when you laugh, everyone else laughs with you..."

Me: "Heh... uh huh."

Jason: "Also, initially when you started hanging out with us, everyone remembers you in this way...
I'm like "Do you remember ...Daniel?"
Some don't, so I ask again,
"Do you remember Daniel-BWHAHAHA...?"
They go "OH THAT ONE!"

And the table went up in laughter. Not really sure whether it was because of mine though but who cares, heh.


Party time! DRINK DRANK DRUNK!

Upon a lil' high on drinking too much, I paid a compliment to this girl's looks, before that I specifically stated that I did not have any ulterior motives nor was trying to pick her up. She RAN off, told her brother apparently, in my full view. Luckily I know that guy and he knows me, though it was embarrassing even though no one really saw it happen. I feel like giving her a big-ass spanking. Even till now.

Found out later that she was not even twenty years old. But that's not an excuse not to handle compliments paid to you in the correct manner. Surely someone must have taught her to say at least a Thank You or something?

Then again, now recalling that she was constantly adjusting her tube top and flicking her hair, just totally sums it all up. I should slap myself sometimes.


Val called me when I was home later that night, asked if I was alright. I said I wasn't. Rambled on a piece of my mind... well, nothing's changed, wasn't expecting to anyway.

I feel sucky. Didn't help that I only had four hours of sleep. The highlight of my Saturday was Laksa for lunch. Took away all my highness, grogginess, sadness, whatever.




BON JOVI: Your love is like bad medicine...

ME: Maybe you should try laksa then.

1) Think twice before having a relationship with someone whom is different from you and also knowing you both cannot last together cause of that reason. Having to argue over opinions on an already bad day itself isn't something that you'll look forward to, moreover arguing on different sex positions.

2) Try not to put into it more than you expect to. Expect lesser. In fact, don't expect at all and let anything that comes, blow you away, like lighting a flame in front of your anus before you fart.

3) Don't make rash decisions just because you're a lil' unsure about who you are, coz you might just end up losing the things that matter. Ie. Weighing between potential friendship and countless sexual episodes with the stranger you just got to know.

4) Never take gambles in anything that's related to relationships coz it always loses on the most important things in the end. But definitely place your bets on J. Lo's ass losing to mine.

5) When you see things coming, either confront them boldly or get mentally prepared at least. Just don't stand on the road when a car approaches.


I'm just rambling away but the first part of each point should ultimately serve as some serious hint to the rest of the world that it's not easy being in a real relationship, so WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE, YOU SONOVABEECHES!


The food is still tasteless in my mouth, I get nostalgic every now and then, but glad to say, I had seeked ways to move on, effectively used them and I feel much better now... *smiles weakly*

More thankfully, the people whom I talked to has been great in lifting me up... to Lisa the sweetie who even offered crazy ideas to distract me from thinking about stuff, to Gemaine whom I already poured out so much to and still be able to withstand my bitchin', to Olivia who is one of the few people who really makes my day chatting to her online and Finally, to Jill, one of the first female friends I knew from nine years back, having to spend time with her the night after my breakup was probably one of the best consolations I ever had.

You all are the best. If I'm in charge of luck, all of you would be winning the lottery tomorrow. I don’t have much power but I psychically sent in applications for all of you, in case you want to buy a lottery ticket.

It's over, me and val's over officially. I'm heartbroken. It's literally painfully inside. That screaming voice that aches my chest.
It was a mutual agreement to split. Breaking up at 4 am over the phone on an empty stomach just sucks big time. Probably why I can't cry it out...

I just need an outlet to let it all out. I can't find that outlet.

Heard this from somewhere...

"If loving you is wrong, then i don't wanna be right."

Sob.

You gotta love Mario and their brudders if you're a video game console player.

Anyway, here's a link that features a pianist playing mario songs darn well.

Gosh, he could do this video sequence 10 times and still win me at arm-wrestling.


The thing about fortune tellers is that you'll never know who gives the best or right advice till years down the road when things happen and you recall the person whom leaked you a lil' info which clicks together. I mean like, why the hell are you wasting money on consulting someone whom you don't even know is authentic or not, even visiting him 'cause of recommendation or feeling a loss of sense of direction in your life.

Would you handle what's to come in the correct manner if what you hear somehow seems to feel right or would you even not wanna hear about it at all? What would you do? HUH.


1 month down, 9 more to go.