Denial

- is in his mid 20's - is a taurus male(all you perverts can leave now) - always craves for good music - will never put up naked pictures of himself here(all you perverts who are still here can finally get lost now) - will realise his dream of travelling around the world - will own properties and one of which is a resort by a beautiful beach - hopes to strike 1st division lottery someday so that he can bum professionally - is currently brain dead and will continue some other time

Friday, October 29, 2004

Current track: Madonna - Material girl
Current mood: Letting the pictures paint my thousand words.

Sit back and chill, I do the fill.

Watching the world go by, you just make me fly.

It's all about the company you're with, and not the flesh nor beef.

Hit the beat, play the day, how long can it stay.

posted by Denial # 4:10 PM |

Friday, October 22, 2004

Cramps and churns.

Current track: Climie Fisher - Rise to the occasion
Current mood: Can I get anymore "higher" than this?

Warning: I didn't post any picture this time 'cause after, and if you choose to read this post, it'll give you "images" in your head which are adequate. If you can't take imaginative visuals or its aftermaths inducing from the written descriptives of my morning hangover experience below, I strongly advice you to skip this entry and go fly kite.
______________

So I suddenly woke up, still feeling high from last night. Mind-numbing music still stomping within me from last night's drinking session at O Bar. Still burping and feeling the alcohol within, I dragged myself to wash up. Never did I expect what's to come in the next 2 hours; a pukefest.
______________

First time round, so fast and furious that I was totally unprepared, standing there in the living room(toilet's in the kitchen) stunned for a few seconds while clenching my mouth tightly to prevent more from spilling out. I rushed to the toilet bowl while dirtying the floor and parts of my shirt and shorts. End result, brownish liquid along with assorted seaweed-and-jelly-like substance.

Feeling a lil' better, I took a glassful of water and cleaned up the plentiful spurts of mess on the floor. I then booted up the com and started playing Monopoly online(Don't even bother asking why 'cause I don't myself) and I thought it was the end of it...

I was so wrong.
______________

Second one, out came the water I just downed. Silly me thinking that water isn't good enough, I took a small cheese bread bun. Crix called and we talk cock a bit. I told him about the vomitting, the water and bread and as he enlightened me that I shouldn't even take anything 'cause the body's rejecting whatever I put in, my face emerged this ultra-horrified look while the other hand drifted to my tummy. Fuck, what have I done!

Turn on the television, Jaime's Kitchen was showing the cook preparing food. "Yes, yes, rub it in, asshole.", I said to it. I had just taken my rendition of the Last Supper and anticipating another throwing-up. Jesus and the rest of his disciples would have just look at me briefly and shake their heads, then continue watching TV.
______________

Third came, the pastry as expected. I love anything that goes with cheese and for a moment there was a tinge of sadness that my body's rejecting it. Having once bitten, I shy-ed away from mouthfuls even and took sips of water to wash down the icky acidic bits stuck in my throat, then proceeded to clear up the fucking-gross residue in the basin.

For some strange reason, I found the puking-feelbetter-feelbad-puke cycle kinda... good, especially after the first two. There’s something nice about knowing exactly how much something is going to suck, you know what I mean?
______________

Apparently it's like an offer; puke 3 get 1 free. The last one was greenish, like bile juice or something. Similar sight to the time which I got so drunk at Henry's place, waking up in the middle of the night filling the toilet bowl with an even greener grostesque than this, then hugged the toilet bowl to sleep.
______________

Having puked 4 times within the morning since 9 am, I still feel high and hungry, but intentionally waiting till later to munch on something light. It must be the world's worst hangover, ever. I bet I could make it into the Guinness fucking Book of Records if there was a chance any of the authorities saw this.

There’s sensory overload. Today was Nonsense-ory OverUnload (I unnecessarily capitalized the three letters in the hopes that you’d get the joke. If not, may Allah strike you down with a panadol tablet.)
______________

Note to self: Never, ever take Whiskey coke in large quantities 'cause you, can't, take, it.

posted by Denial # 2:03 PM |

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Picture perfect.

Current track: Alanis Morrisette - That I would be good
Current mood: Pleasant

The older you get, the more frequent it is that commonplace objects will inadvertently trigger flashbacks. On the street, a Nissan I used to ferry a special someone around. Outside a pub, an occasion which the employee had to pour ice cold water onto me to sober me up. Past a bank, where I used to flirt and pinch the receptionist's butt cheekily whenever I visit.

Ok I lied about the bank part.
______________

So I left shortly after dinner at Clarke Quay's Satay Club last night. Had more often than not, felt like a "light bulb" whenever three of us were together, be it at home or outside. But that was not the reason why I didn't join mom and her man for more drinks elsewhere.

Walking around snapping flicks freely is kinda therapeutic in a strange way. There's something about taking pictures that I can't explain. A moment captured through the lenses pleases me especially if the image turned out good. Like I have been waiting my whole life for this.

Mom's darn lucky to get a digicam like this especially with minimal prior knowledge. Nothing much to complain about, only that there's no audio when I record a video and also, sometimes I feel that it's field of focus is frustratingly small, like a virgin's vagina.
______________

Found myself at Esplanade, still heating up from the jugs of beer during dinner. Friday night's weekend crowd, everyone looking good and cheerful. Here and there are free-spirited tourists, people knocked off from work socialising among drinks and booze, couples whirled up in their world of romance, girls and boys dressed up for a night of fun or clubbing. And old men fishing in the middle of nowhere.

Looking out to the sea with deep thoughts, being oblivious to the people and the world around him. A lifetime full of stories and experiences that runs through his wrinkled body. I was glad I was able to take this picture without him chasing me away with his rod.

I wondered how it will be like when I reach his age and what I will be doing then. With much hope, I will probably either still heading a company I own or realising my dreams of taking vacations around the globe and chilling at my resort.

Either which, I wished to have my future wife still alive with me whatever happens then, eventually growing old together in a house in a valley besides a river, having our kids visiting us with theirs...

...then I noticed a group of gorgeous females giggling at me, probably 'cause I looked stupidly-charming daydreaming while standing in the middle of nowhere.

I wondered along as I clicked and snapped, thinking more into the larger questions of life which are then supplanted by more immediate concerns like Why the fuck is this person looking at me this way, Is my phone gonna conk out on me and Did I zip up my fly before I left the toilet just now.

I can’t help but think about the ships I’ve missed, others I’ve passed on and still others I’m unaware I already have tickets for. I think about the times I’ve spent sitting in cabs, buses and planes while the clock hands revolve faster than the planet and my bank balance goes up and more often than not, down.

The thing I hate to admit is that way deep inside me, is a trying-to-clear-the-mess-within, often reflective, depressed fuck. I know I need to fix some things and I am down on working on them already, but some things can’t be fixed and others require time.
______________

Don't wanna think no more. Made my way to the station and found a seat on the train, occasionally taking surreptitious glances at people in reflective surfaces while looking at my fresh collection of photos. Looking forward to the weekend full of beach volleyball and bikini girls. And maybe, a surprise.

After taking this pic, I proceeded over to the people sitting down and beat them repeatedly with a large stick for blocking my shot.

Ok I lied again.

posted by Denial # 1:00 PM |

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Trafalgar Square for $240.

Current track: Jann Arden feat. Anne Murray - Insensitive
Current quote: "When the authorities warn you of the dangers of having sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities." - Matt Groening

I noticed that I'd been writing a lot on my uninspired and mundane lifestyle, not to mention lotsa bitching on miscellaneous issues. I guess if the past couple of weeks were like our first date, I’d be the annoying guy who spends the whole dinner talking about himself. But if you were expecting an apology from me, forget it; 'cause as my mom and some friends tell me, I’m one stubborn sonovabeech. And besides, I’m paying for your dinner, so you have no choice but to sit there and listen.

Besides the fact that my free time has magnified quite a bit, my life outside has been relatively mellow with the exception of pure luck that brings forth unexpected activities. The whole time when mom was gone, I stayed home most of the time other than town interviews on weekdays and leisure on weekends, survived mostly on instants, refrigerated instants and canned food. Most of the times after visiting the toilet, they always looked like I had miscarriages.

My previous idea of a good/busy social life was clubbing/drinking with good company on midweek and either fridays or saturdays. Nowadays it's just as good as it gets. Since I clubbed and pubbed a couple of times during this period, nothing much I should be complaining I guess. Occasional sessions of alcohol's good to spoil your tummy every now and then.

Gosh it's been an eventful five months. Looking back, I can't imagine how much time, energy and effort spent on dwelling on what-is and what-ifs. Remember I mentioned about how the brain is your emotions' bitch? If this love-hate relationship with them is a person I’d say “You’re not the man I married...I don’t know you.” to it and pack up my things and leave while it cried and begged me to stay for the kids.

Um anyway, to my friends who are hanging on to their relationships for the wrong reasons, we all know that it's easier said than done but sad to say, it's about time you should wake up and smell the coffee. Get a grip.

So muster your courage and do what's best for ya. If it doesn't work out, it’s time for you to cut loose and move on. You deserved that much. Life is just simply too short. Give yourself, and hell, others a chance. Someone better for you is just out there.

In addition to some of you people who are reading this. Soulmate is not a once-in-a-lifetime thing. They do come in limited editions you know, you just might be surprised.

Do I believe in a deep and lasting relationship? Of course I do. My idea of a deep and lasting relationship is seven inches deep and lasting half an hour. Just kidding.

posted by Denial # 3:11 AM |

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Open your eyes to love.

Current track: Radiohead - Fake plastic trees
Current mood: Strange

Things are up and down in the past weeks and months, a few screw-ups and a miracle or two but I suspect the future will be fantastic. Amidst the lonliness and instants, there was a certain kinda high I experienced since mom left for her holiday and now she's back, I suddenly sharply lack of.

Oh yes, the weekend. There was dinner with the cousins and aunt at Chinatown followed by drinks at Roomful, beach volleyball sessions with a girl with large, pendulous boobs, and a night of EPL action at a friend's. I could elaborate on them further but I'm still as uninspired as before, my thoughts are flowing lesser than an ovulating woman.

And on the opposite sex, small lil' girls had been bumping into me quite a lot, no kidding. I just don't get it. Why parents don't cling on to them or promptly pull/brush them aside before "the embarrassing" happens? Is there somekinda magnetic force that attracts blur, midgety kindergarteners to my crotch? Is it A SIGN that some hot chick's gonna blow me good and have shockingly good sex with me? Dammit!

Anyway, here are some flicks I pulled outta mom's trip.