Denial

Current track: Hoobastank - The reason
Current quote: Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.


At the moment, I'm filled with despair, worry and a pathetic portion of noodles.

A packet of IndoMie's Mee goreng is like what, three or four mouthfuls? Jeez.
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Citibank didn't quite work out as well as expected. Still looking around, still looking. Time's slowly running itself out but that's not my main concern yet.

I'm living a bum's lifestyle at the moment. Sleeping later than I should, waking up around noon thus lazily merging two meals in one and not exercising much too. I’ve been so idle I’m fast losing the line between what is important and what is not. I need to get my act together and make things happen. My angel on one shoulder is telling me to start off by reverting to normal healthy sleeping hours but at the same time, the devil on the other tells me not to stop munching on Pringles.

I know I should be doing more for now. I know I can change this. I will get things done.
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Meanwhile by some sheer stroke of luck again, I found myself at Zouk last night as it was Ron's birthday.

And wadaya know, of all people I bumped into my cousin Sherman, with Jon and his girl. For those who doesn't know about Sherman, he's 25, some retail line supervisor, famous mostly for his gay-like dancing antics and arrogance. He's also one crazy sexed-up sonovabeech. When he rented a room in my apartment some time back, he came into my room first day of the new year in his Calvin Klein underwear, woke me up and asked me whether I had a condom as he ran out of it. "Um, happy new year!"

Anyway, Ron got me up and moving as I danced the hell outta me. She's the absolute dancer whom no one can resist shaking any part of their body upon watching her groove. With all the alcohol and booze Sherman and gang forced onto me, it was just a matter of time which I let loose totally. Gosh, I'd never danced and enjoyed myself for the longest time.

Highlight of the night: There was this super-cute, charismatic sweet-looking girl, wearing jeans, a tube top and covered with a white denim jacket. I observed her for a bit and something told me that she wasn't like any of those kids. Subtle moves, killer eyes, dimples accompanied a gentle smile. Oh, my, God. I can still see her when I close my eyes.

Life can be pretty strange sometimes. If I didn't club last night, I wouldn't have plans for friday and sat. As how this weekend turns out, my fingers are crossed.

Current track: Annie Lennox - I saved the world today
Current quote: I may be fat but you are ugly, and I can diet.


Something's not quite right with me. I realised I'd gone awfully quiet recently and I'm not compelled to speak much in the presence of people in general. I'm feeling a lil' out-of-sorts and as much as I don't like it, there's something about being depressed that I do like. And no, I'm not becoming a manic-depressive.

Something's not quite right with me.


And what's with me and Jesz Zhou? For the umpteenth time, yes, she was my ex-girlfriend from many years back and although God knows whatever she had turned into now, that's not my friggin' problem, you all hear me? She has her life and I have mine. Dammit, I hate explaining this whole thing over and over again. If you wanna judge me according to my link with the "Now" Jesz Zhou, go look yourself in the mirror and see if you should be re-evaluating your shallow views of life or whatever. Don't poke at me using her name in random conversations or I swear you'll suffer the wrath of my fury. You people know who you are, don't mess with me.


...


Tomorrow will be a better day.

Current track: White Town - Your woman
Current quote: A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.


It rained cats and dogs. Cooling weather, I like.

I’d like tomorrow to be a fair-weathered day, but you cannot specify with these things. It would be nice if you could order days like restaurant menu items. If you can do so, I wanna have a Short And Wonderful Tomorrow, serving an additional dose of productiveness, with more sides of sleep and an afternoon tan to top it up.
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Went clubbing with Joan and her gang of friends last night, total of three girls and four guys. Went to Bar None and hung out for a bit before proceeding to Velvet Underground. As some of you people already know, thursday night at Velvet is SIA crew night. The women were so hot you can cook an egg on them. I bet the guys there wouldn't mind licking them off their bodies even if it has bird flu.

Those guys in the gang kept buying drinks for everyone. Average decent looking, in their early thirties and in the IT industry, splurging like as if dollar notes come out of their printers instead of white paper. At some point for some strange reason, I wondered if it was their first time clubbing after years of sitting in front of the computer touching themselves while staring at porn.

Apart from grabbing a snack at the deli, I sat down most of the night hanging out with the gang as I didn't wanna dance. One of those guys I just knew, Ben, starting doing magic tricks to entertain me, for absolutely no reason at all, at the same time telling me about his day spent playing golf in JB. I thought to myself "Is he that bored, having problems chatting people up, or gay?"

A whole night of ash-appearing acts, mind-reading and card tricks later, I changed my mind. This dood is so good, I conclude that he:

1) is some lonely bastard who never had sex.
2) spent the whole of the 90's learning magic to pick women up.
3) spent too many years touching himself.

Reached home around 3, showered and stoned by the com, waiting for hair to dry up. Slept on a high from drinks on some strangers' wallet. Damn, what a good night's sleep.

Current track: Blue feat. Elton John - Sorry seems to be the hardest word
Current mood: Solemn


It's kinda amazing to personally witness people you know whom have grown over time, in terms of physical beauty, maturity and all. It's even more amazing how some people still don't.

Bumped into Marilyn somewhere in town some two months back. It's been a long time since we lost touch, not that we kept in contact frequently nor actively in the first place but yeah, we go a long way back, shared some good times together and stuff.

Anyway, didn't really catch up much till few days ago. She hasn't changed much, lifestyle and personality are pretty much the same too, only that she's having problems nowadays dealing mainly with the price of beauty and the magnetic effect it comes with.

Two of her current problems are that firstly, a long-time-friendship-turned-sour 'cause the guy finds rejection too much a bitter pill to swallow. The other is a pussy who doesn't even have the balls to admit to his current girlfriend that he cheated on her.

The disappointing and depressing thing is that I have known both guys for more than a decade already.



Some other things which got me depressed too.

- As we all already know, when it comes to relationships, your brain is your emotions' worst enemy.

- Was one of those days, weeks even, where it’s not enough for me to sit around and hang at home, which by the way the past fortnight was the longest amount of time spent here since I moved in five years ago. I hate this feeling: I don’t want to go out, but I don’t want to stay home.

- I do not have cable TV. Reasons like these which people invented the word "Fuck".


Some things cheered me up though.

- Music.

- Watching downloaded episodes and bloopers of Friends.

- Gemaine speaking in her language with words like "Orgas" and "Cloud 1000".

- Lisa's voice, esp. when she said "Hiii..." in her nice lil' girlish tone.


Simple things make me happy. I guess some people should stick to the basics and/or be contented too. After all, the best things in life are free. Which fucking cable should be too.

Current track: Damn Yankees - High enough
Current quote: "If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters" - Alan Simpson


Pretty things I wanna snap at but digicam's not with me. I miss it, feel a lil' empty without it even. It forced its way to the same list of things one just can't leave home without.

It's touring Europe presently, cities across cities snapping at magnificent scenaries and all. Lucky piece of shit. I’d like to see it try and clear customs with no fucking paperwork.

Ok, ok! I'm feeling a lil' jealous that I'm not touring Europe. No worries, my time will come. I'll become a rich sonovabeech and go all over the world and post everything. Then again if I was loaded I’d also have butlers I would occasionally slap, but I don’t think anyone wants to read about that.


JIM: Your tea, sir.

ME: Is it precisely 99.5 degrees Fahrenheit, Jim? Where’s the thermometer?

JIM: It's next to you, sir.

ME: 99.4. Hmmm... Jim, come here for a second.

JIM: Yes?

ME: Closer!


Tonight I will dream of me having a tan on the beach chair, feeling the mediterranean breeze on the beautiful sunny beach, sipping on punch. And all the women around/with me do not have rings on their fingers.

Current track: Don Henley and the Eagles - Heart of the matter(live)
Current quote: "How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back." - Frodo from Lord of the Rings: Return of the King


Roomful of Blues.

I like that pub a lot. Just the right cosy ambience and all, cool people who work there and friendly regulars that frequent it, excellent live music, drinks. What more can you ask for?

It might be strange to think that fate had something to do with it but the fact is that I visited the pub when it was at Macpherson which later when it wasn't there anymore, I found it again at Selegie.

And it was Val that brought me back to it.

Got a lil' nostalgic when I brought mom and her boyfriend to Roomful on Monday night. It just seemed like yesterday when I met up with Val and Blob for drinks, on the very same table mom and co. sat down at.

Sometimes I wonder how things would turn out if I didn't take the gamble back then. Would I have gained as much as I lost, or more of either one than the other? Would I have made a difference in someone else's life? Would I have ended up forging new friendships with certain people? Would I, would I, would I...

I gotta admit though, this past few months were one of the best, as well as one of the worst times in my life. But as for now, I wouldn't have it any other way.

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face." - Unknown

Fate believer and someone who controls his own destiny, I am both. For everything that you do, there is so much you can achieve but you can't control things like coincidence, luck, etc. There's a higher power that determines how these things are gonna be. You just gotta respect that.

Anyway, everything happens for a reason, don't they?

Current track: Jamie Cullum - Singin' in the rain
Current mood : Eager to abuse the digicam before it sets off on the 16th


Met up with Henry last night. Caught up a bit, went off together to Ice Cold Beer to meet up with his friend, Wen. She was chilling with this Irish guy named David, whom Henry started talking alotta crap with. Henry and his beer is like Batman and Robin; the Dynamic Duo. Now with this Irish dood, they become the Talkative Threesome.

Turned out that they clicked instantaneously. Wise cracks, physical humour, racist jokes, were just excerpts from it. Couldn't be bothered to describe it further, one could only sit there and watch the show to feel the full effect.

It got even better when we moved our asses to Coffee Club nearby. They got serious and started talking about foreigners living temp/perm here in general, how they were lucky to be here 'cause of the common misconception about how locals think highly of them, etc. when the fact was that most foreigners were almost no different from any of us.

Poor Wen had to endure how the night turned out. It was supposedly a date in the first place. At points I looked over and felt very sorry. Her expression tells it all when the threesome engage themselves(Pun not intended).


My body is still tuned to 6 hours of sleep per night. No matter what time I sleep, I still unreluctantly wake up 360 mins later. Tried to sleep on but somehow can't. Reason being also, my gawdamned window curtains are friggin' white and translucent. Who the hell creates curtains which doesn't block out sunlight when the need arises, dammit.


Anyhow, dug out some photos from the New Zealand trip.



This is something like the NZ morning scene back then.




Well, I'm a sucker for skies...




... and I guess I'm a pucker for sheeps.

Current track: Kansas - Dust in the wind
Current feeling: As the first paragraph below.


Nowadays when I make phone call or sms, they can't connect occasionally even though it shows full network reception on the screen.

Irritating piece of shit.

I suspect the fault lies more towards the mobile network than my phone. I didn't called up to check for some strange reason as I could related to it. Somehow I feel that my life currently is like something similar to the shitty network: Full on the surface but empty beneath it.
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As of late my mind's been either too full or too empty, can't figure out which. But the end result is I've been feeling uninspired as fuck. It happens to everybody for a short period of time I guess, so that makes me feel better... for a while.

When mind's full, there are stuff I wanna type them out. which makes me wonder sometimes if blogging is an exercise or a distraction. Maybe it's both, or none. I guess the answer depends on the shit written here whether it's good or not.
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Just wanna dwell in the Sunrise picture again. It came very close in reminding me of that feeling when I was in New Zealand about 2 years back, looking across the countryside horizon on a hill on a morning before the sun rises. I remembered the glow of the dew, the fresh morning mist, the silent green, the sun peeping from the side of the volcano from a distance. I stared at it like I was gonna die tomorrow.

It's that kinda scenic snap that makes you forget your name, all your problems, your existence. The feeling of being far, far away from home, like being dust in the wind; drifting away aimlessly and effortlessly, not a care in the world.

I thank God for it. And for the pic too.
_____

Full, empty, full, empty... argh.

Current track: John Farnham - Burn for you
Current moment: Getting rushed by Ron to updating my blog


How's things. Let's see.
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Was at the beach last Saturday, became as red as a lobster. Sunburn made me dazy and a lil' dehydrated. Was chilling at home later at night and being in my air conditioned room and my burning skin seems like the perfect combination, but somehow something doesn't feel right. Like say, pole dancing to retro at a disco; it's just wrong.
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Got a digicam! Mom's gonna bring it overseas to Europe first before it's officially mine to abuse for the rest of it's godforsaken life. Muahahahaha... *rubs hands in sinister look with evil laughter*
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I tried smoking at O bar on wed. Had one ciggie from Sampoerna, sweet tasting. The other was Marlboro Red. Nothing really special about them. I don't like to/the smoke still. Wonder why people would pay good money for it even. What's the friggin' addiction about? What's the kick? All addicts should get an A for financial sacrifice, F for effort and L on their foreheads.
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Had been sleeping for six hours and less for the past few months, creative flow obstructed, no time for anything else. Well, it's gonna change as I got off my job finally.

Made a few calls to see if anything could work out, seeked for lobangs and such. One of which I called my ex-colleague from my previous company as he's the HR head. Apart from the post I left which readily welcomes me back, there was this other thing he told me in regard to some friend of his who is a toy boy of some Jap woman, jokingly asked me if I'm interested to be one even.

Check this out: He gets paid fifty grand per month, gets a Lotus to drive and also, an apartment at Pebble Bay. Other than the free cover-the-face-fuck-the-base, he often gets to travel to Japan with her plus other "perks and benefits". Only condition imposed onto him is that he is not supposed to get himself attached to anyone at all, romantically or not.

Holy shit. Let's all say it in the tones of game show hosts. All together now.
"Fifty, Thousand, Dollars!!!"
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And in regard to Japan...



Look at this bitch.




It's actually a Prada store in Omotesando, Tokyo.

I think if aliens invaded Earth, that would be their "beehive". And we would be forced to surrender all the Prada goods. We might be lucky enough if they spare us a keychain or two. They'll still zap us eventually.

I hate them already.